When Did Doctor’s Appointments Become My Social Life?

I just turned 69 two days ago. The virus is running rampant, and I don’t want to go out in it, even though I may or may not have had the vaccine. (I was part of the Moderna test, but I don’t know if I got the real thing or the placebo.) I have to go out to be tested periodically, and I dread it every time, not only because of the stick they shove into my brain (well, that’s what it feels like) but because I’m afraid to leave the house.

I know there are people who think that the numbers are exaggerated, that Covid is no more dangerous than the flu, that the whole pandemic is a hoax to keep us in our homes so that…I don’t know what. I’m not completely clear on all the conspiracy theories. I know there’s one that says doctors and hospitals get more money if they call it Covid, so everyone who’s coming in now is diagnosed with the virus. That would make sense, except the hospitals keep getting full to overflowing with people who are really sick. If it were the doctors in on a plot to get more money, why are so many sick people coming to the hospitals? They must be sick with SOMETHING to need hospitalization. I don’t think doctors are pulling healthy people in off the streets.

And another conspiracy theory I heard from a man I was on the phone with over some business or other, and we had time to chat as he was waiting for the computer to download or upload or sideways load — I am not sure about that stuff, either. But when I mentioned we wouldn’t be safe until the vaccine came out, he informed me that vaccines don’t prevent you from getting a disease. In fact, you have to have had the disease BEFORE you get the vaccine, because otherwise there’s nothing for the vaccine to “latch on to.” It sounded like an interesting but incorrect belief. If you have to get the disease before you get the vaccine, what’s the vaccine for? I get a flu shot every year to KEEP from getting the flu, but he’s convinced the shot is worthless, because it has nothing to “latch on to” unless you already have the illness. Thank God that wasn’t the thinking back when we got smallpox vaccinations and polio shots. Those inoculations wiped out those diseases, so kids don’t even get those shots anymore. The antibodies must have found SOMETHING to “latch on to.”

I know I’ll be at the head of the line when it’s my turn to get the Covid vaccine, unless I already got it. Moderna’s was a blind test, meaning half of us got the vaccine, and half of us got just a placebo. I think they’ll let us know at some point.

And there are the people who are worried about possible side effects. That’s what the test groups were for, to see if anyone had any side effects. If we had, the vaccination wouldn’t be approved. And the side effects of the virus can be death, so I’m willing to take my chances.

In the meantime, I don’t go out, unless it’s to a doctor’s appointment, which is really the last place I want to go. I wear a mask, but I was told yesterday by the person puncturing my brain and trying to get blood out of me that didn’t want to come out in the cold that my mask wasn’t good enough, that it didn’t seal all air from around the sides of my face. So now I’m afraid to go out even WITH a mask, because it might not be the right one.

But I haven’t been able to hear out of my right ear for the last week, so I had to go see my primary care physician today. She prescribed ear drops and is sending me to an Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist. Another doctor’s appointment. Then she gave me a pneumonia shot and sent me on my way.

Just for a lark, I would like to go somewhere where no one wants to stick needles into me. I’d like to go out to dinner or a movie or over to see my son and daughter-in-law and grandson or go see my daughter’s new house, now that she’s moved an hour away instead of three hours. I’d like to socialize with people other than medical personnel. I have nothing against them, except for all those needles, but they are not real fun people, and my time with them is limited. The high point of my life is a Zoom call, where I actually get to see people without masks on — see facial expressions and smiles. I miss smiles. My smile is my best feature, and I love to make other people smile, too, but it’s tough to see smiles when we’re all wearing masks, and if you’re not wearing a mask, I don’t want to be anywhere near you.

Think of how wonderful it will be to be free again. Maybe we took too much for granted, and now we’ll really appreciate life like we never have before. Over 3,000 people died just today. Let that sink in. 3,000 people. In one day. That would be terrible enough, but nearly as many died yesterday, and as many will die tomorrow. Hard as this has been to be socially isolated, it’s better than dead and less permanent. I just saw part of a protest against mandatory mask wearing on the news, and one woman’s sign said “99% of people survive.” If those 3,000 people who died today are only 1%, I still don’t want to take the chance. I’ll wear the mask, I’ll be in line for the vaccine, and I will go to my doctor’s appointments as my outings for now. And to the lady with the sign — wear the damn mask. It doesn’t hurt, and it’s all we’ve got right now that helps.