My War on Christmas
If there ever was a “war on Christmas” — you know, that idea that saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” was some kind of plot to diminish or deny Christianity — nobody told Christmas. My problem with Christmas is that it — honestly — comes earlier every year. I know I’ve heard that complaint from people before, but it’s true. Next year I expect Christmas decorations to go up right after the 4th of July. Even if you celebrate all 12 days of Christmas, which my family never did, it doesn’t warrant starting all the brouhaha right after Halloween. I know Thanksgiving doesn’t encourage spending like Christmas, but give me a break! Let me catch my breath between holidays, okay?
Isn’t December 1st early enough to start the Hallmark Christmas movies? Did they have to start November 1st? By the time Christmas actually gets here, I’m going to be Christmas-ed out. I love a good romance movie, but do we have to set so many of them in snow? And, I’m sorry. I grew up in upstate New York (think Canada without the benefits) and no one stands outside talking for more than a few seconds. It’s damned cold outside. Where it snows for Christmas, Jack Frost does not just nip at your nose. He takes chunks. The wind can take your face off your head, and your ears can freeze in seconds. Snow is slippery and cold and wet. Go inside. Wear a real coat, not one that’s not buttoned and just looks good. Where it snows, we have several coats: the light winter coat, the warmer winter coat, the dress coat that we wear flannel under, and the “I’m going out to shovel the snow” coat. No one dresses in short sleeves. And tree lightings are, “Okay, hurry up and get those lights on so the kids can go ‘Aww,’ and let’s get the hell indoors.” I’m sorry, but real winter is not romantic. Looking at it from inside with a fire next to you is okay. Looking at it through a windshield is downright scary. Walking hand-in-hand with your coat open looking at shop windows while waiting for the tree lighting is just not real. And watching two months of those movies is too much.
I’ve always had a problem with starting Christmas too early anyway. People used to start putting up the outdoor lights right after Thanksgiving. I had enough of a problem with that. Now they are putting them up right after Halloween. That’s fine. Put them up while the weather is still bearable; just leave them off until later on in December. If you have white lights, they are pretty, and they don’t scream, “CHRISTMAS!!!” at me, so you can light those anytime. But when the Christmas red and green lights go on and your front lawn is full of candy canes and elves for two months before December 25th, you’ve gone too far. I’m Christmas-ed out long before the actual holiday arrives. It is “the most wonderful time of the year” but please. Not in October.
I have a personal reason for not liking the Christmas decorations to go up too early, and I admit, it’s selfish. My birthday is December 6. It’s not easy sharing a birthday month with the Big Guy. I have to wait all year to get gifts, then they all come in December, and it’s another year to wait. It was bad enough when I was young and had plenty of time left. Now, I don’t want my years to rush by. I may not have that many left; I certainly have more behind me than I do ahead. Let’s slow down and enjoy each holiday, and then take some time in between to enjoy NOT holiday. We can’t do much about Christmas and New Year being mushed together, but let’s not hurry from one to the next without taking a breather.
So if you drive by my house on December 5th and think I’m a Scrooge, come back on the 7th or 8th. Maybe even the 10th. The lights will be out, and the tree will be up. But my lights are white. I can leave them on all year. There are just more of them close to Christmas. And there go those Hershey kisses bells again. They’ve been going on for two weeks already. I’m just declaring war on Christmas being two months long. Let me digest my turkey first. Happy holidays!