Gravity is not Our Friend
We can all agree that gravity is a wonderful thing. Without it, we would all float out into space, which would be bad. Balloons float up and away; desks do not. That’s good. When we set something down on the desk, it stays there. That’s also good. But gravity has its downfalls (pun intended) as well. When we drop our favorite glass vase on the hard wood floor, gravity does its thing, and we sweep up the shards and wish we had the last few minutes to live over again. We try not to drop things that break, like glass, dishes, and babies. Pillows and the laundry do fairly well when dropped. When we slip or trip, we do not. I don’t want to fly off into space, but I’m not happy when I hit the floor. I tripped on the sidewalk once while walking my four small dogs, and they just came over to me, sniffed as if to ask, “What are you doing down here?” and walked away. Not one offered to help me back up.
Young people have no fear of gravity. They run, they jump, they fall down, they get back up. It’s all a game to them. As we age, we learn to have more respect for gravity. I find that at 68, it’s easy to bend down or even kneel. Gravity helps me on the way down. It’s getting back up that’s the problem. The older I get, the stronger gravity gets. I can sit on the porch step. Gravity thinks I want my butt permanently placed on that step. And it just gets worse. It used to take one person a little effort to help me up. It takes two a fair amount now. Soon it will require a crane. My husband knelt on one knee to propose last December. After he asked and I said yes, I asked if he needed help getting up. We old people understand each other.
And gravity doesn’t just affect big things. Our bodies lose the ability to fight gravity. Parts of me that used to be perky now sit on my belly. I need industrial strength underwear to hold up and in parts that used to be able to do it themselves. I love to exercise in the pool. I tell people it’s because the resistance of the water makes the exercises more impactful. It’s really because I’m lighter in the water and can do things there that I can’t do on land. It’s not your weight that’s the problem, you know. It’s too much gravity, not too much gravy.
When I look in the mirror now, I see a different person than I used to. Because of the oily skin that was the bane of my existence in my teens, I don’t have many wrinkles-they just kind of slide off, I think. But gravity does not slide off. Gravity causes sagging. The muscles in your face just give up the battle. No wrinkles keeps me from looking like a shar pei, but I’m starting to look like a basset hound. And I don’t even want to talk about my neck. It’s just not where it used to be.
The solution as I see it with my great scientific mind (I majored in English) is to move to another planet where the gravity is less. I’d suggest the moon (remember the astronauts jumping around?) But I like to breathe. The same goes with Mars. I think the gravity is less there, but there’s still that air problem. I’ve been using a night-time firming cream on my face both morning and night, so my face thinks it’s always night and it’s resting, but that doesn’t seem to be working. I think gravity is a law. Maybe we could get it reduced to just a suggestion, something we could use when we need it and turn it off when we don’t. In addition to keeping us looking younger longer, we could save a lot of glassware, too. Just a thought.
Originally published at http://thefoxmaddoxhomeofhumor.wordpress.com on November 6, 2020.